Well, I finally have some great news ladies and gentleman — The mother in law has moved out (for now).
I am sure that you guys remember the struggles of me dealing with the awkward living situation, but she is at a new residence.
Let me bring you guys up to speed:
- She moved in March of 2016, when she moved into the apartment with us she made it appear as though she wouldn’t be with us for a long time. She didn’t give us an estimated time she would leave, but she appeared to be very optimistic about her finding a new spot. This unsaid date of her leaving caused anxiety and frustration on my end because I desperately wanted to speed up the process.
- Not soon after she moved in we had the incident that concerned her storage fees and junk, I wrote about this in the MIL tag earlier last year. This was the point of no return in my books, because I felt the mother had no drive to move out.
- The discomfort of her mom living in the house with us caused animosity between me and my wife because I felt she didn’t handle the situation similar to the way that I would have. This was incorrect behavior on my end because she doesn’t have a relationship similar to what me and my mom have. She is far more reserved when approaching her mom.
- We decided to purchase a home to pursue the American dream.
- I agreed the mother should live with us initially to be there as a theft deterrent. We didn’t want to be vulnerable to a pattern recognition by potential robbers and burglars.
- The whole time I didn’t speak with the MIL.
- SHE FINALLY GETS A NEW PLACE TO STAY AT…..BUT, THE PERSON WHO SHE IS STAYING WITH IS IN THEIR 90’s. NO GUARANTEE HOW LONG THAT WILL LAST.
- The MIL is spilling the beans to my wife after she moved out about the way she felt I mistreated her. Felt that she was made to feel like crap because I ignored her. Felt we had a better relationship before she moved in.
- Wife is pregnant by the way.
- I don’t deny that I refused to speak with her, but I never asked to be placed in an awkward situation. It’s unfortunate that the situation happened the way it did, but that type of stuff happens when you move in with someone. We need to move on, life is short. I hold no animosity.
- My wife says that the MIL still feels jaded. Wife even insinuates that I apologize.
- I’m not apologizing for not speaking with her. Period. I am not apologizing for not wanting her in my house, because what I felt was genuine. She isn’t telling me thank you for putting a roof over her head, Internet inside her laptop , and rent free. Let’s move on. Whatever happened, happened.
What do you guys think?
8 thoughts on “Update: The M.I.L. situation ”
Long sigh… I saw my friend Ashley for the first time since she got married and you know what she had to say? “Marriage is hard. If I ever write a book about it, that’ll be the title.”
I am not completely sure of why you stopped speaking to your MIL. What happened there? I’m a serial advice giver so I need an understanding before I share my sageness.
LikeLiked by 1 person
To me the mother is an ingrate, and we stopped speaking because she was offended over me trying to help her. She felt I was too pushy, but she wasn’t as truthful about her situation as when she first moved in. Thanks for the congrats.
I see! There is not much that can be hidden when you’re living together.
Reading the last post, I don’t think you have anything to apologize for. I don’t see an apology making difference either. You appear to want what’s best for her and your family. And I do agree it was more your wife’s responsibility to check her, but I think you did the right thing by taking matters into your own hands; sounds like she needed a reality check, a dose of tough love.
It’s dangerous when someone creates a wedge between a marriage/relationship/household, especially when it was peaceful before her presence. MIL is taking this way too personally, which may be part of her aging process, but that’s no excuse.
I’m wishing you the best.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Kelley. The truth feels way better coming from another person.
Oh oh and congrats on the new bun?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Parent-adult-child relationships can be really, really difficult. Both my mother and my MIL drive my husband and me batshit crazy on a regular basis. Your wife is in a difficult spot because she was programmed from birth to please her mother, whereas she expects you to love her even when she’s not at her best, so her programming is telling her to get on your case in order to please her mother because it’s easier to get on your case than it is to tell her mother to bug off. She needs to work through this, because when people get married, their first loyalty should be to each other, not to their parents. It’s just hard to do in practice. Also, congratulations on the baby-to-be. They’re the BEST! 🙂 (mostly)
LikeLiked by 3 people
Eggzackly. I know that’s misspelled but you couldn’t be more on point than what you just said. She has the mommy dearest syndrome. I would easily put my wife before my mom, because I recognize her importance to my daughter(s). Not only that, simply because she is my wife. I never felt like she was in my corner the whole time because of the mommy dearest syndrome. It was difficult to deal with at first, but after a while I felt that it was easier to ignore the elephant in the room and keep my wife happy. Now after she leaves, she incites anger in my wife focusing on petty differences that won’t change anytime soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person