Well, I finally have some great news ladies and gentleman — The mother in law has moved out (for now).
I am sure that you guys remember the struggles of me dealing with the awkward living situation, but she is at a new residence.
Let me bring you guys up to speed:
She moved in March of 2016, when she moved into the apartment with us she made it appear as though she wouldn’t be with us for a long time. She didn’t give us an estimated time she would leave, but she appeared to be very optimistic about her finding a new spot. This unsaid date of her leaving caused anxiety and frustration on my end because I desperately wanted to speed up the process.
Not soon after she moved in we had the incident that concerned her storage fees and junk, I wrote about this in the MIL tag earlier last year. This was the point of no return in my books, because I felt the mother had no drive to move out.
The discomfort of her mom living in the house with us caused animosity between me and my wife because I felt she didn’t handle the situation similar to the way that I would have. This was incorrect behavior on my end because she doesn’t have a relationship similar to what me and my mom have. She is far more reserved when approaching her mom.
We decided to purchase a home to pursue the American dream.
I agreed the mother should live with us initially to be there as a theft deterrent. We didn’t want to be vulnerable to a pattern recognition by potential robbers and burglars.
The whole time I didn’t speak with the MIL.
SHE FINALLY GETS A NEW PLACE TO STAY AT…..BUT, THE PERSON WHO SHE IS STAYING WITH IS IN THEIR 90’s. NO GUARANTEE HOW LONG THAT WILL LAST.
The MIL is spilling the beans to my wife after she moved out about the way she felt I mistreated her. Felt that she was made to feel like crap because I ignored her. Felt we had a better relationship before she moved in.
Wife is pregnant by the way.
I don’t deny that I refused to speak with her, but I never asked to be placed in an awkward situation. It’s unfortunate that the situation happened the way it did, but that type of stuff happens when you move in with someone. We need to move on, life is short. I hold no animosity.
My wife says that the MIL still feels jaded. Wife even insinuates that I apologize.
I’m not apologizing for not speaking with her. Period. I am not apologizing for not wanting her in my house, because what I felt was genuine. She isn’t telling me thank you for putting a roof over her head, Internet inside her laptop , and rent free. Let’s move on. Whatever happened, happened.
As we near the end of year 2017, all I see on the media outlets is outrage of predominately Anglo-Americans brooding over this NFL kneeling protest. President Donald Trump, 45th president of the United States of America, is stoking the flames of a fire that has been burning for a long time. Colin Kaepernick, former quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, was the first athlete to sit during the national anthem. When questioned why Kaepernick refused to stand during the anthem he stated:
“I am not going to stand to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”- Colin Kaepernick
That stance was taken during the presidential term of then President Barack Obama, 44th president of the United States, known to all as the first black president.
Sitting during the anthem infuriated most of the military veterans who took it as a complete disrespect of the military. One of those veterans who disagreed with Kaepernick was former Army green beret Nate Boyer to discuss a plan of action because of the perception of disrespecting the United States Military.
The kneeling during the Anthem was something Kaepernick did as a way to honor military vets who risked their lives for this country. However, the damage was done to most people who take pride in the American flag. Kaepernick was flayed by media, both left and right when he commented on if he would vote in the upcoming election:
“I said from the beginning I was against oppression, I was against the system of oppression. I’m not going to show support for that system. And to me, the oppressor isn’t going to allow you to vote your way out of your oppression.”
A lot of political pundits on the left and right gave harsh criticisms of Kaepernick, even sports journalists were tearing Kaepernick apart for his statements:
NFL having a paid partnership with the military, decided that Kaepernick was to be blackballed the remainder of his career. The NFL would suffer a major public relations blow if they showed athletes like Kaepernick kneeling before during the anthem. Many Americans would consider the NFL brand too unpatriotic and disrespectful if they allowed Kaepernick to continue this protest. As the following NFL season starting in Autumn of 2017 began, many social media personalities from all sides decided that they would refuse to watch the NFL. Let me explain each ideology.
The pro flag advocate: “I’m not watching this damn NFL. They are letting a bunch of ungrateful crybaby millionaires cuck them into the liberal agenda. I don’t give a damn about how you protest, just keep it off the football field. Play the game and keep politics out of it. Either you stand for the goddamn flag, or get the hell out of this country. Trump is spot on about this insane nonsense. It’s not about race all the time. I’m never gonna feel guilty for being proud of this country. This is such bullshit! I’m not watching another football game of these damn idiots kneeling to disrespect this country. Fuck the NFL!”
The woke community: “We need to boycott the NFL for suppressing the voice of African-American athletes who want to bring attention to the injustices of police brutality and systemic white supremacy. The NFL is 70 percent Black American and the blackballing of Kaepernick solidifies their disdain for African Americans who voice concerns relating to state sanctioned violence of unarmed citizens. Stick to politics? The national anthem is political in itself. The constitution protects American citizens from refusal to stand during the flag. Veterans also fight for a constitution that protects American citizens who don’t share the same political views. If you don’t like the kneeling, debate with the constitution. Until all citizens get treated fairly, I will continue to support players who kneel on American soil. I refuse to watch a league that panders to white supremacist bigots who use patriotism as a guise to mistreat people of color.”
President Trump knows that the country is divided on these issues, and he continues to stoke the fires of bigots who want America to go back when African Americans and other groups knew their place.
African-Americans have been systematically mistreated post-slavery that the government actively participated in from: the FHA housing discrimination, redlining, reverse redlining and blockbusting. The predatory lending practices made by check cashing businesses located in poor communities, which mirror sharecropping in a way. The CIA’s involvement with the iran-contra drug war funded by the crack epidemic happening in poor black neighborhoods. The FBI’s involvement in the murders of countless black leaders. The coyly 13th amendment Clinton backed Three Strike laws that started the mass incarceration of black men. The state sanctioned murders of unarmed citizens. The pooling of non-black jurors who overwhelmingly refuse to convict police officers that murder black lives, despite video evidence. The media who refuses to call white intra-racial violence out as white on white crime, but uses Chicago as a hub of black on black crime. A media and goverment that refuses to call domestic terrorism out on white men and white racist groups like neo nazi’s and ku klux klan members. A media that attributes the vilest criminal behavior by rogue criminals in the African-American community to all black people. A media that paints Dylan Roof as a kid that was a lone wolf shooter, compared to two Black Chicago drug addicts who grotesquely tortured a autistic boy, labeled as Black Lives Matter kidnappers. A gun rights advocate group that remained quiet during the Philando Castile murder, despite Philando being within his second amendment right to carry. A popular Christian preacher with the largest congregation in Texas, being ambivalent on whether he should provide shelter for poor citizens affected by the hurricane. Environmental racism, which is African American communities being placed in areas where air pollution is rampant from living near industrial plants and landfills. Black communities are more likely to be located under sea level in flood zones, similar to Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, Louisiana. In Flint, Michigan you have a black community impacted by water pollution. To be frank, if you were a black person being mistreated by a country that treats black citizens under the Dred Scott law, would you stand for a flag that isn’t about “Liberty and Justice for ALL”.
Its finally said and done. I am officially a home owner, for whatever it is worth. This goes to show you that if I can get a damn house, pretty much any one can. I shouldn’t even be writing on a blog considering that I have to pack boxes soon. Most of this stuff in my apartment I plan on throwing away anyhow.
Things that I have learned that you can take from me:
If you are serious about getting a home someday, focus on putting your money to the side via savings account. Do not touch the savings account for 2 years or however long it takes you to get a decent amount of money saved up. My guess is at least 10k to start off. If you have a partner that you live with, preferably a husband or wife that you plan on spend 30 years with, add them on and bring their resources with you. The more help that you have, the better chances you have of getting a higher loan.
Get pre-qualified — This is very important before you even step in an open house and put in an offer. If you aren’t pre-qualified, you will most likely waste your time looking at a home in a neighborhood that you cannot reasonably afford. Pre-qualification gives you a ball park estimate of the price range you need to home search for. Now you can decide if you will choose a condo in a decent area, or a home in a bad area. You can decide whether you will travel further for better options in a far town, or decide to purchase a fixer-upper. If you are balling like the Golden State Warriors and have money up the ass, the world is yours.
Find a compatible real estate agent that can accommodate your schedule — I have already written at length about this, but yeah. Just do it. A bad agent will cost you a few homes. Ask if the agent is a seller or a buyers agent, most will tell you that they are both, but that is no acceptable answer. Make them commit to one straight answer. If you have a genuine buyers agent, you are in the game.
Look for Homes and BE VERY AGGRESSIVE– Ladies and gentleman, in this housing market it is a seller’s market. Buyers have little, if any power without liquid capital. Do not go searching for homes in open houses twiddling your thumbs if you half way like a home “But have to think about it”, NO. It does not work like this :
Trust me it doesn’t go down like this! Each house that you will go in will have multiple offers — sometimes even blind offers — before you can “think about it”, so do not play around if you like a house. Put in an offer as soon as possible, you can always change your mind if you find something else better.
Put in an offer — Go through the process of negotiations, hopefully you get your offer accepted. You will get turned down multiple times by cash offers, or offers with less contingencies or caveats that hold up the deal.
Offer accepted — Get pre-approved from whatever bank gives you the best deal. My opinion would be to ask the real estate agent to give a reference for a solid loan officer.
Start Escrow and complete contingencies that were mutually agreed upon
Sign papers like crazy, almost like perusing an entire bible full of x_________ symbols
Wait for the underwriter to complete process
Wait some more, just because.
Ok, meet with notary to sign some more documents.
Wire funds and wait.
Documents recorded, you are now living the dream
Ask me if it’s worth it, I guess we’ll find out around tax season next year. But the expenses are much higher than renting. I will probably search for power saving hacks on pinterest, because everything costs.