The Jig is up: House Hunting

I’ve tried to hide the fact that I am buying a home, but the f!@kery that we’ve been going through is too damn much.

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I’ve tried to hide the fact that I am buying a home, but the f!@kery that we’ve been going through is too damn much. 

I don’t really know how I got here, but 10 offers later and no home, it’s been the pits. I am trying to be a rational man, but I just can’t at this point.

When my wife approached me about buying a home, I instantly stood behind her and got on board. We searched  for a bank that would pre-qualify and approve us and got that out of the way. Receiving the price range that we could afford, we went on the hunt for the best possible situation and home.

THE AGENT

I didn’t do my research when I picked my agent. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Reading web articles, I decided to go with some guy who had a great amount of sales within the past year. When I talked to him, something felt off, but I decided to go along with it anyhow. We talked about each of our schedules and everything seemed fine. I looked at his ratings and this gentleman had nothing but 5 star ratings. In hindsight, I should’ve listened to my intuition instead of random fake reviews.  I have four more offers in with this guy. If these fail within the past week, I am moving the hell on.

TIP: When picking a real estate agent, use buyer/seller reviews accordingly. Make sure that you are dealing with an agent that is great at what you are looking for. If you are looking to sell a home, choose an agent that specializes in selling homes, especially in the area you live. If you are a buyer, choose an agent that not only specializes in your desired area, but also is in rhythm of your schedule. You can’t work graveyard shift and have an agent that only shows property at noon, when you may not be able to view properties until 4 p.m. on off days. Choose an agent that is flexible, don’t get caught up on sales unless you are a seller.

The HOMES

Home offer #1: This home was a probate sale. Probate sales can be done either through the court, or without the court. It means the owner has passed away, and the heirs or de facto owners want to sell the house by auction or standard sale. The listing agent that presents the property must legally state that the owner has passed away. When we saw this home, it was on a random weekday night that I happened to get off early. My wife and I met up at the location with one of our agent’s “team members” in his “group”.  Let’s call her Linda. Linda showed us the property and the condition of the house was murky at best. There was peeling paint, uneven floors, and an un-permitted back house that smelled like rotten marijuana. The carpet was awful, the rooms were decent, and the entrance of the garage was in an alley. I absolutely hated the house but loved the area, so we put in an offer. We put in three multiple counter offers and still lost, because we refused to pay more than what the house was worth. STRIKE ONE: I found out through a third party website that the house was pending before the real estate agent. The agent didn’t notify us of the property being sold to another party until two days later. Didn’t return our calls, until I called one of his “team members.” Pissed me the f**k off, but I didn’t want to make it a big deal.

Home offer #2: This home was also a probate sale that was being sold “as-is”. It fell out of escrow due to a multitude of factors: buyers got separated, buyers refused to split responsibility of repairs with seller, etc.  STRIKE TWO: We specifically told this guy to put in an offer that same night on this house. I sent an email to him and the group member that showed me the property, specifically telling him to put in the offer that SATURDAY. They had an open house that SUNDAY. On Monday morning, no more offers were accepted. My agent did not put in our offer that SUNDAY at minimum. He had to beg for them to accept our offer as a backup that MONDAY afternoon. I WAS PISSSSSST!!!! I was so pissed I let him know about it.

Home offer #3: This home was awkward as hell. Garage was almost bigger than the home itself. The house was crazy small, located on a main street, corner house, driveway not connected to driveway. Awkward to pull in, no dishwasher or space. No backyard or privacy, the home was overpriced and outside of the area we desired. This was a flipped home that felt unfinished. The agent actually negotiated a great deal with this house. They agreed to help on closing costs and were ready to make a deal with us. He did an excellent job, but this time we reneged and backed out of our offer. The house was not appealing at all. It probably is still for sale.

Home offer #4: This home was located in the perfect area, but was dated and ugly. It had floor heaters and possible water damage. The home was ideal, but had some issues. We actually cross qualified and damn near got our offer accepted at asking, but a cash buyer came in and offered 97 percent of asking without any contingencies (at the last second). We instantly got beat out and lost, cash is king, but the agent did a decent job.

Home offer #5: This home is in a sketchy area but the home and block was actually nice. It is what you would call a pocket block. A good block surrounded by a few bad streets with criminal activity. I liked this house enough to put in an offer, but didn’t want to commit to a house that we halfway liked. The house had multiple cash offers, and even blind offers, so we didn’t like our chances on this home beyond putting in an offer. Plus we were waiting on home offer #4. It was MEH!

Home offer #6: This home was one that was the closest of my intended area to move into. I still haven’t received word back on this home. We just know that the competition is deep and the likelihood is low, when there is too much competition. Allegedly we are going to find out tomorrow who gets the home, but the seller’s agent is a hard person to get in contact with. We our crossing our fingers, but expecting a no. This home is dated and has a retro 2000’s feel to it. I thought I was on the set of ‘Moesha’, but the backyard is huge and the driveway is private. I saw it alone and immediately put in an offer without hesitation, because I knew my wife would love it. We shall see.

Home offer #7: Beautiful home, pocket street like home offer #5, turn key and ready to go. We put in multiple offers and was one of the highest offers, but we refused to waive the appraisal contingency. I was like hell no, and they found a sucker who did waive his appraisal. We lost out on that one, and to keep it more gangster — they still are having open houses despite its pending status. We just shook our heads and moved on. We loved that they moved fast and didn’t stall, unlike Home offer #6.

Home offer #8: We saw this property and let the seller’s agent(s) know our interest immediately. This was a pocket block home that was renovated into a turn key, but had more potential that what was shown at open house. This offer is fresh and we are waiting on a response by the end of the week, or next Monday at the latest.

Home offer #9: This home is located in a non-desirable area, but the home is a got damn castle for a KING. I walked through the home and felt like nothing else outside mattered. Only thing that this house needed was a front gate, an electric powered swing gate and that’s it. This house was lit. We offered lower than the asking price, because we know people aren’t willing to move in that area. The home was sick, I could see my dogs roaming the property. Easy home to sell in the future also, something I couldn’t say about home offer #3. No response on this home yet.

Home offer #10: This home is a great location not far from home offer #1, but the wife checked it out alone and became hesitant because of a nosy neighbor. This home has multiple offers that are placed on the property and even our real estate agent doubts that we will be considered for this home.

 

I’m very frustrated at this point with the whole entire process, because I have pressure to find a home soon. My rental lease with my landlord is up, and they are hiking the price up exorbitantly high to coerce us into signing a 6 month to 1 year lease. They disfavor tenants who stay month to month, so I have a lot of pressure to make a deal happen. I am not too satisfied with my agent, because his communication is not great. All of the homes I’ve found on my own, he doesn’t send me any listings. My wife and I attend multiple open houses alone –then write him a long ass email report– and beg him to put in offers before the night ends. He has shown us 4 of the houses we’ve put offers on. He seems too busy at times and he rarely helps us on weekends. He avoids showing us properties on weekends and uses people on his team to show properties during the weekday. My wife gets to see the properties, but I don’t. When the weekend comes, those people that work on his team actually don’t work for him, they ASSIST him.  The one guy who does show us property has clients of his own that come before us. So when (more like if) we need to see properties on weekends, it feels like a hassle to ask our agent if we can see lock box properties that regular buyers don’t have access to. We got into a heated discussion today, and I kept it real. I told him that if I knew that he was this busy on weekends, then I would’ve chosen otherwise. I will give him until the duration of these four offers, and afterwards i’m done. These real estate agents are sharks who hunt for buyers who attend open houses without agents. They tell us bad things about our agent, and how they can do a better job. One guy promised us a house, only  if we left our agent out of the business transaction and did the deal straight up. I know its all bullshit and smoke, but the fact is I get irritated with not having an agent present. The seller’s agent treats you different without an agent, they turn into sleazy greasy salesmen without one. I told my agent that I don’t like defending a real estate agent who isn’t there.”It’s not my responsibility to defend you”. I hope a deal goes through, but I had to use my platform to vent. Thanks for taking time to read my drama.

A.J. Responds [The l.e.t. project]

“Hey Eddie,

I received the books you sent to me. I want to say thank you very much it is appreciated. Eddie I have poem I want to share. (It is called (wasted)

wasted…

with the sense of urgency, you look at us troubled criminals and you grieve our lost of life is far worst than you thought. Believed, or ever conceived see beyond our crimes, pass the fear we create–

you see the lost overflowing, slowly turning our minds to (waste)

we are incarcerated wallpaper that quickly fades and wastes away

and the numbers continue to grow at a unprecedented rate-

we lack the needed belief in ourselves and the desire to educate our minds

lost the will to advanced

helpless and so far behind

but violence has forced society to lock us “away” at any cost

soon all of us will pay because each one of us is lost

lost…

This poem is not copyrighted, however,  I just want to be heard.

Another thing I am wondering do you have any information on prop 57, or can you help me figure out what the prop is about

Thank you. will write again soon. with respect”

– A.J.

 

 

L.E.T. Project “A.J”


 So I sent AJ some books. The first book is a dictionary, because it is literally like a translator in jail. It helps expand his diction. The second book I sent was Tupac ‘the rose that grew from concrete’ in hopes that he could be inspired by some of Tupac’s poetry. AJ says he likes poetry, and I think this would be the book he would read first. The third book I’ve sent him was ‘Man’s search for meaning’ by Viktor Frankl. You guys will automatically see me send this book to almost every inmate. This was a man who survived concentration camp under Nazi rule. Incredibly heartfelt book, it shows the power of a positive mindset under any circumstance. This book is hands down the greatest book for any one facing a difficult time. I can’t wait until I hear his take on the book(s).

~Eddiestarblog

:D✊ 

I was wrong!! First L.E.T. project letter

“Hi Eddie, 

  My name is AJ, I received your letter and I am very interested in the program you provide. The only question that I have, how you know about me…other than that, yes I want to be a part of the program. I have a lot to say, I write poetry about different things don’t mind putting it out there to be seen. I am not really sure what to do next. I would appreciate a response what kind of stories are you looking for, if you please give me some type of clue of how the program works I will gladly send some poetry to you guys. thank you.”

-Aj

Wow! Right when I was re-strategizing, I get this letter. This gives me hope that I can change someones life. 

The LET PROJECT

What have you done for the black community? {Solution #2, Unity} Part 2 (2 of 2)

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For those who missed the first part, please start here: https://eddiestarblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/06/what-have-you-done-for-the-black-community-solution-2-unity-part-one-1-of-2/

(Rashad continues on from last comment made by Malachi on part 1)

45yrold

Rashad:”What the fuck are you talking about? You are one of these pseudo-conscious dudes out here talking about UFO sightings and black conspiracies. You don’t know shit about politics! You have the unmitigated gall to say that Obama hasn’t done anything for black people! Really NIGGA! Let me school you then. Have you heard of Obama-Care and ‘my brothers keeper’ ? Besides, every time he attempted to do something for us (blacks), the congress staged a mutiny against him. Before you talk shit about Obama, ask yourself, what have you done for the black community? I have protested in the streets with Black Lives Matter and blocked freeways with my brothers and sisters fighting against white supremacy! I have been maced by cops and put in handcuffs for using my 1st amendment rights, what about you?”

blackii

Malachi: “First of all, we gotta be respectful. Im a man like you’re a man, respect me like I respect you. I’ve never resorted to name calling. So fam, if we gonna have this conversation be meaningful on all sides, lets keep it honorable.  But as far as Obama-care, more whites benefited off the program in comparison to blacks.”

Rashad: Aw, man! Here we go with the negro-splaining, don’t pull!”

Malachi: “Come on fam, you asked me a question, now let me finish. Most whites benefited off of Obamacare, more than blacks, and that is a fact. Most blacks live below poverty and barely have full-time jobs. The black unemployment rate is not that far off from where George W. Bush left it. There is a lot of single black mothers who must work two part-time jobs to make ends meet. They aren’t fortunate enough to work a full time job that covers medical insurance. Most of the companies who offer full-time work, offer medical insurance under the caveat of a high deductible. Therefore, many black people go uninsured and pay the fine during tax season, rather than be homeless.”

 

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Leena:”Now that I agree with. Black women are always getting the short end of the stick. Black men leave us hung out to dry. 67 percent of households are ran by black women, and how do y’all repay us? Y’all up and leave us for ‘Becky with the good hair’. Black men don’t truly respect black women. Calling us ‘Bitches and Hoes’, promoting rape culture and unrealistic body expectations. The toxic misogynoir culture of black men is sickening. We need to get rid of homophobia and gender roles! Men need to cook their own fucking food. Black men need to be responsible fathers and stop dodging fatherhood. Black men have the nerve to get upset we date outside of our race. Can you blame us? We have a right to.”

darnell

 

Darnell: “Homosexuality is WRONG! It’s written in the Holy Bible. A complete abomination to God. He didn’t make Adam and Steve, he made Adam and Eve. All of this political correct nonsense must end. The PC police must leave with the democrats and its libetard millenials. We need this country to be the Christian country it was founded as.”

Leena: ” You are a stupid biggot that won’t see reality beyond Fox News. Slavery was in the bible as well, do you support that? There are a lot of things in the Bible that people don’t live up to. Who made you the gatekeeper of heaven or hell?  Why does it matter to you who another person chooses to love? I hope YOU burn in HELL for your idiotic stance.”

Darnell: “I don’t want my kids seeing that stuff”

Malachi: “Easy there Darnell, King James, the guy who wrote the bible, was allegedly rumored to write open love letters to his male lover.”

Darnell: “That is a made up lie, you don’t know that as a fact.”

Malachi: “Anyhow, back to the argument about my brothers keeper. It is a program that was created in 2014 that was created for ‘people of color’ towards troubled young men. It is not a bad program, but it is a bandaid on a gaping wound. It is a program that implies that there is a missing black father that leaves bastard children. Doesn’t address troubled little black girls who may need help also. The program is too new to properly scrutinize.”

Leena: “So what happen to the black fathers in the black household? I don’t think its a lie, I just told you 67 percent of African-American households are led by black women.”

Malachi: “Black men are very active in their children’s life, they just don’t get married. Look at Trayvon Martin, and Mike Brown in St. Louis. They both had active fathers in their lives, the missing black father is a myth. I can take you to a barbershop and show you black fathers with their sons. We can even go to the local recreational park in the ghetto and see black fathers rooting their sons and daughters on, while playing sports.  A lot of black men don’t get married, and have children out of wedlock, which is a two-way street.  A woman has the decision to create a child with a man she isn’t married to.  Black fathers often don’t win custody battles in court against women, because women usually are considered more responsible in the eyes of the court. A woman takes on responsibilities and tasks that men don’t usually consider: doctor appointments, parent/teacher meetings, dental appointments, drop off and pick up at school, and church. Most guys either get awarded custody once or twice monthly on the weekend, with just enough time to go to an amusement park or playground, but not enough time spent as the guardians who share the same household as the child. Doesn’t mean that black men are all great fathers, some guys are really deadbeats. For the most part, though, black men are active in their child’s life, despite not living in the same household.”

Rashad: “You still haven’t said anything you’ve done for the black community. I’ve put in work, what about you?”

Malachi:”You are absolutely right. I will not hold a big picket sign saying ‘BLACK LIVES MATTER’ and get maced by cops. Blocking freeways is something I don’t do. Besides, think about what that protest really means. You are begging white people to pay attention to innocent black people being murdered by rogue policemen. I think they know what the problem is, but honestly don’t give a damn. If I block the freeway, will they think black lives matter more?  Me protesting a cop won’t get me any closer to accomplishing anything that would yield tangible results. What is your goal beyond getting a white person to acknowledge something they don’t truly care about? I think we get too caught up in symbolic social media hashtags, and hashtag activism. We want the social justice warrior moment to be captured on our iPhones and uploaded to our social media networks, so we look like potential martyrs of the cause. We want that self-aggrandizing reward of saying ‘I was part of that movement when I was in my 20’s or 30’s’. What about real change?”

Rashad:”You still didn’t answer my question.”

Malachi:”I already agreed with you and said that you are right. I haven’t protested and I won’t, because it solves no issue. We need to organize and build our own communities from the ground up. We are too dependent on white approval, and desperate for symbolic changes that amount to nothing.”

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Joanne: “I was with you up until this point. Black people and white people need to work together to fix this problem. Creating communities that are all-black and excluding others is going backwards. White people are not all racists. My mother married a white man and delivered me into a world of no color. I saw mommy and daddy, not a white daddy and black mommy.That was one of the things that drew me towards Barack Obama was that he understood the bi-racial experience. I have white and black uncles who are different in their own way, but have a compassionate heart. We need more unity, more colorblindness and more humanity, less divisiveness. That is the only way we move forward.”

Darnell: “Hey, Joanne, I have this bridge I want to sell you.” (shaking head)

Malachi: “I got that Joanne, but the world we wish to live in, and actual reality are two different things. We live in a world of codewords and insidious racism, so colorblind is actually something that could be used to overlook races that desperately need help. We aren’t running the same race, at the same speed, at the same moment. Some people have further to go than others. Colorblind is as toxic as overt racism. This is why I am saying that voting for either candidate will not make any difference. People will choose which form of racism they practice on a daily basis. This is why, we need to come together as blacks. No disrespect to those, who don’t wish to align with a race, thats fine. However, the ones who want better schools for our children, more black business ownership,  more real estate ownership, and the creation of a black economy other than spending power, we need to unite and focus on bigger and better things. Once we create an economy where we become more financially educated, we will spend our money more strategically. We will invest money in schools that will have resources to educate future lawyers, business owners, and STEM majors. It won’t happen overnight. One article said it may take over 269 years, but us starting now is worth it.”

Darnell: “I don’t agree with everything you said, but we do need to unify and re-educate ourselves on finance and economics. I own two businesses and I started off just as poor as the next man. Maybe it was luck, but I think it was determination to escape a poverty mindset. Something I think many black folks struggle with to this day. But I’m still voting trump.”(laughing hard)

Rashad: “I think we need to unify and do the things you said, but in all honesty, that is a pipe dream. We don’t have 269 years of time to build when Hitler 2.0 becomes president. We need to use our voting rights right now and vote Clinton. We need someone who has worked with Obama to keep his policies in place.”

Leena: “I loved how you kept bringing up the importance of sticking together. I dislike your mansplaining of men not being responsible fathers, but I agree to disagree. We have more in common than what we would like to admit. Im still Hillary 2016.”

Joanne: “I refuse to be put in a box by race, and believe we all can accomplish more as a collective human race, but we agree on more things than what we disagree on. Jill not Hill 2016.”

~The End~

 

Moral of the story is that we as African-Americans all have diverse opinions, but we can’t be so crippled by stubborn loyalty, to refuse standing together on important issues. Thanks for reading.

What have you done for the black community? {Solution #2, Unity} Part one (1 of 2)

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Five black people walk into a bar. I will give them a name and a brief description. Its Friday afternoon after work, and election day is coming up. They all have different opinions, some things they agree on, but on more important issues they differ. Story is completely fictitious.

bartender

Jeff, a 33 year old White Bartender, who doesn’t wish  to be aligned with any political party. He identifies as an independent, but rarely votes at all.

45yrold

Rashad, a 45 year old Black man, who is pro-black and votes democrat 90 percent of the time. He identifies as Democrat, sternly against Trump, loves Barack Obama, and has a tattoo of the hashtag black lives matter.

blkfeminist

Leena: a 40 year old black woman, who is a Black feminist, votes democrat 100 percent of the time, loves Roxane Gay,  LGBTQ social justice warrior, black lives matter activist and hates alpha males.

darnell

Darnell: a 54 year old black man, who identifies himself as a republican, votes Republican 100 percent of the time, loves Trump, disagrees with #blacklivesmatter, thinks when Trump says Make America Great Again, he is speaking about being a Christian nation.

mixed

Joanne: a 32 year old bi-racial black woman, who identifies herself as independent, considers herself to be undecided on who to vote for. She voted for Obama last election, and has mixed feelings on where the country is headed.

blackii

Malachi: a 35 year old black man, doesn’t vote at all, only votes when propositions are introduced, but doesn’t trust in the 2 party system. He is what many black people would label as “conscious” or ‘hotep’, but doesn’t consider himself anything but for black people.

 

Disclaimer: PICTURES ARE NOT MINE. STORY IS FICTIONAL. FOR EDUCATIONAL USE ONLY

Jeff: “So Rashad, What can I get for you tonight?”

Rashad:”Henny on the rocks”

**making drink**

**Leena pulls up and grabs a seat. Takes coat off and gestures to Jeff.**

Jeff: “Hey there, what can I get for you?”

Leena:”Ketel One with O.J.”

**makes drink**

Rashad: “Jeff, I know this is a personal question, but what the hell, who are you voting for this election?”

Jeff: (titter) “You know’ I usually don’t talk politics on the job, I’m neutral. I won’t answer political questions on the job, but I don’t mind asking them. Who are you voting for?”

Rashad:”I’m with her.”

Jeff: “Hillary? Why?”

Rashad: “She ain’t Trump!”(in a boisterous, and unapologetic tone)

Leena: ** laughing in agreement** “I know that’s right, sir!”

Rashad: “Ain’t that right, sista?”

Jeff: “And what about you?” (looking at Leena)

Leena: “Hillary all day. Not only because she isn’t Trump, She isn’t as divisive and racist as Trump. Trump is the KKK, I just don’t want to vote for that as president of the greatest country in the world. Hillary knows that Black Lives Matter, she is willing to listen to issues that Black women go through. We need a woman in office because we are past the days of men being in control. We need a woman to run this country! and the time is now.”

Rashad:”I agree with you sista. I am in support of Black Lives Matter, also.”

** Joanne pulls up to the bar and beckons Jeff for a drink**

Joanne:”Yes, I would like a gin and tonic on the rocks. Tanqueray, please. TNT.”

Rashad: “And what do you think about the Wikileaks stuff sista? You know the crap they are blaming Hillary for? the emails?”

Leena: “It’s complete nonsense. The media and Trump supporters are making it a big deal. Hilary apologized and they found nothing that could put her in prison. What’s the big fricking deal? She made an honest mistake, move the hell on.The Feds are Trump supporters anyhow!”

**Joanne overhears conversation and interrupts**

Joanne:”Not to interrupt, but yes it is kind of a big deal. She sabotaged Bernie Sanders and caused distrust between democrats. A lot of us felt betrayed that she divided the party and sabotaged the DNC. I was a Bernie Sanders supporter, and refuse to support Hillary.”

Rashad: “Wait a minute. So you are voting Trump? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Joanne: “I never said that. I am voting for the green party candidate, Jill Stein.”

Leena: (laughing in a dismissive manner) “A vote for Jill Stein, is a vote for Trump. Even my 10 year old knows that. By the way, are your friends voting for DEEZ NUTS. I mean this is ridiculous.”

Joanne: “Good Luck on believing in a proven liar. She is Donald Trump in a pantsuit! I refuse to vote for less of two evils, I’m voting Stein!”

**Darnell overhears conversation, politely jumps in**

Darnell: “Hey what’s wrong with Trump. He may be misunderstood, but he is going to bring this country back to greatness.”

Rashad: “I’m sorry, What’s there not to understand about Trump: Housing discrimination against blacks, the terrible situation with the central park 5, his unreleased footage of him saying racial slurs on NBC, his grabbing pussy remark, what else?”

Leena: “His toxic misogyny, his negative talk about women’s appearance, the irony of him being against immigrants despite being married to one, refusing to denounce violent racists holding him up as a symbol of white supremacy..What else do you need to know? Oh, and he hates blacks.”

Darnell: “He doesn’t hate blacks. He has Ben Carson as one of his advisers.”

Rashad: “Ben Carson is an Uncle Tom, and anyone voting for him that is black is a Tom, too. If the shoe fits, Oh well.”

Leena:**clapping hands laughing** “Yass!”

Darnell: “Ben Carson is a successful Brain surgeon, that has wrote books about lifting himself up from the bottom. He has come from the ghetto, and has risen his way up from nothing, into a presidential candidate. Be careful who you call a Tom.I am a Black Man who has a mind of his own. They used to call Booker T. Washington a Uncle Tom, also. You guys have no clue what a Uncle Tom is! Hillary and the Obama administration are the real problem. The democratic party wants to keep black people poor and desperate. They love having Blacks begging them. By doing this, they keep Black people in their clutches. ‘Here is more welfare and section 8 for the gang bangers and criminals’, but where does that money come from. It comes from the republican’s check. You liberals love all of these handouts, but never think about where it comes from!”

Rashad: “Go back to being a house negro,  Mr. Uncle Tom! the white folk don’t love you any more than the supposed gang banger. They will use your name as the token black friend to claim they aren’t racist. As soon as you leave the country golf club, they are making all kinds of racial remarks about your ‘Clarence Thomas’ ass.”

Leena:** sips orange juice and vodka while smirking in agreement**

Darnell: “Hey, I notice a Black Lives Matter tattoo on your arm, Where was black lives matter in Chicago with all the black on black crime happening over there?”

Rashad: “I don’t know, the same place ALL LIVES MATTER were, when Tamir Rice died. Or when Black people were slaves.”

Leena: “Yass! Exactly”

Malachi:** Orders a shot of 151 proof rum, downs it in one blink**

Jeff: “Whoa, easy there.”

Malachi: “I can handle it. What’s good ya’ll , the hell ya’ll yelling about?”

Rashad: “everything”

Darnell: “These guys just don’t get it. They are voting Hillary (pointing at Rashad and Leena) and I’m voting Trump. They want the same lies that Obama preached about in 2008, pre-election.”

Malachi:”And what about you?” (looking at Joanne the green party voter)

Joanne:” I’m tired of the ‘less of two evil’ bullshit. I’m voting for Jill Stein. I used to be a Sanders supporter, but after wikileaks, I am not voting for either. What about you?”

Malachi: “I refuse to vote period. It is a waste of time. Especially for blacks, because it is a rigged system”

**cacophony of disagreement from all sides**

Leena: “This is the problem with black men, ya’ll don’t take shit seriously. Our ancestors died so we can vote, and your silly ass over here not using what little power you do have to exercise your rights.”

Rashad:” You can’t say you don’t vote, and then complain when shit goes bad. You have to pick a side, whether you like it or not”

Joanne:” I’m voting  for Jill Stein as a protest vote, but I understand where you are coming from.”

Darnell: “what you said is ignorant on all levels of rationality. The system is rigged? were you saying that when Obama became president in 2008? The system isn’t rigged, you just are looking for an excuse not to vote.”

Malachi: “Okay, Leena, the problem isn’t with black men, the problem is a system of white supremacy. Black men and women are going to jail in droves and these are laws that the Clinton’s put in place to make that happen. You guys are so giddy about voting for Hillary, forgetting that she called black men super-predators, and supported the laws her husband implemented to gain conservative votes for re-election. Black people didn’t die so we can vote, they died to give us the opportunity and right to vote!”

Leena: “Just like a Black man, avoiding responsibility for your actions. Always finding excuses for everything.”

Malachi: “What’s your deal with the black man, did you forget about Bill Clinton’s sister souljah moment? You probably was one of the black folks who didn’t believe Barack Obama could be president until whites started getting behind him. You must’ve forgot about the snide remarks the Clinton’s made against Obama during the 2008  presidential campaign.”

Joanne: “Yeah, I remember that. It was heated, it was a shocker that he even chose her as Secretary of state.”

Malachi: “Rashad, no, I have every right to complain if I don’t vote, because I wasn’t dumb enough to elect a candidate I thought would be a messiah. If you vote and that person falls short, YOU have no right to complain, because you put them in office with a full vote of confidence.”

Rashad: “You sound crazy right now, Bruh. That made no sense.” (Laughs)

Malachi: “Bottom line is, I don’t have to pick a side. Life goes on.”

Darnell: “Keep on believing that lie, you must be uneducated.”

Malachi:”Darnell, what do you mean that politics can’t be rigged? Did you forget about the Bush/ Gore Florida voting scandal. I am not saying it is one head honcho who calls shots and decides who becomes president.”

Darnell:” That’s exactly what you are saying!!”

Malachi:” Let me finish!, I’m saying that people who are in the upper class that are among the 1% , who control most of the wealth in the world, have money to create change. Each politician is funded by these corporate entities. If one candidate is in danger of losing, the corporations then hop on the leading  candidate’s coat tail to get laws implemented. I am saying it makes no difference who is president, if money runs politics, and politics create laws.  Money therefore creates bills that get signed into law.”

Darnell: “So why do we vote then, smart-ass?”

Malachi: “To give Americans the illusion of us actually having a choice. The differences between two candidates aren’t as stark as the media propagandizes.”

Darnell: “So what about the the Supreme court and Judges? Is that rigged also. If we have a  liberal President choosing a liberal Supreme Justice, that impacts Americans as well, doesn’t it?”

Malachi: “It doesn’t matter who they choose. You just had Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who white liberals prop up as a goddess, make disparaging remarks about Colin Kaepernick for taking a knee, but not saying anything about the issue he is kneeling for.”

Darnell: “Yeah, that guy Kaepernick is an imbecile. He is a waste of a human being, how dare him disrespect this country and the military that protects it.”

Malachi:”An imbecile for taking a stance against police brutality?  For not standing for a country that doesn’t respect lower class African Americans? This is all happening under a black democratic president. I am here nor there, but that goes to show you that white supremacy always wins.”

Darnell: “White supremacy? Yeah the white supremacy is the reason gang bangers keep killing each other more than cops kill them, and yet they want to blame cops? Come on!”

Malachi:” You just equated Cops with criminals. Cops aren’t criminals and they are here to protect the community. Criminals get sent to jail for their crimes, rogue policemen get paid leave and gofundme pages.”

Darnell: “This is sad, that you don’t see how incredibly foolish you sound.”

Malachi: “My point about the president picking a Supreme Judge to impact America is that nothing changes. The issues that exist now, will continue to exist 30 years from now. As long as the candidates need blue-collar union’s election support, they won’t condemn their actions. They will use code words to appear contrite, but won’t do anything.”

Rashad:”Once again, you sound dumb right now. She already said she is behind police reform.”

Malachi: “I sound dumb. Do you know what police reform is?.. It basically means that they will give police more money to train more cops and buy more guns. The problem isn’t police training, they are extremely proficient at their jobs, it is the bad cops who give law enforcement a bad rep. The true problem is all-white juries that can’t help but think the black victim was responsible for his or her death. If you can get away with unlawful lynching without punishment, there will be no impetus to create change. Department of Justice is already doing police reform. They just awarded 20 billion dollars to law enforcement. Hillary refuses to use the word racial profiling, and adeptly says ‘implicit bias’. That word is not by mistake, to say police racial profile would draw ire from the national police union. Nothing is gonna change for black people if she becomes president. Just like nothing changed for blacks when Obama became president.”

(PART 2 coming soon)

 

Let the foolery begin. Part 1

Imagine being a complete zombie after a 6 hour red-eye flight, and a 3 hour layover before being en route to the cruise port. When you go outside to catch a cab, there is man who looks like an angry mechanic that chose to drive cabs. That is where I begin with this story. I originally had apprehension about my wife ordering an uber driver, because the stories I recently heard about Kristine Leahy had me apprehensive. What if we got some sort of machete wielding axe-murderer that has a penchant for hacking tourists to death. With the weary and skeptical mind state I already had at that point, it completely made sense.

Anyhow, we get into the cab and he speaks with a thick Haitian Creole accent. He asks us “Where to?”, we tell him the company and location and he drives us there. His cab was junky; Bible with church service pamphlets, rogue papers, and random junk. He drove like a bat out of hell and rolled the windows up, without asking me or my wife if we were cool with it. Inhaling aromas of what seemed to be Ben Gay ointment and dehydrated incense, I happened to take a picture or two of the buildings

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That was cool. Arriving at the port, I continued to go in to get processed and board the ship, which took another hour. We got in the buffet line and and ate food to kill the time. I barely ate anything, due to my fatigue. We couldn’t get access to our room until 1330 and it felt like I had a four hour deficit of sleep, coming from the west coast. When I got in the bed, I was laid out until the luggage arrived. The rest was okay, until I realized they wanted everyone on the boat to do this Emergency Drill, as required by maritime law.

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After the drill was over, I went back to the room for some more rest. But, lo and behold, I was musty and grimey. I needed a shower to feel clean again. As I turn on the shower, water sprayed all in my face from a leaky hose shower. I couldn’t believe it, what kind of cruise is this. And I thought I suffered on the last cruise. This place was disappointing me in more ways than I could describe. The room was; way too small for all of the luggage we had, plumbing was faulty, and design of room was antiquated with outdated “Miami Vice” furniture. For a second, I thought Crockett and Tubbs were going to bust into my room. Ridiculous.

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Then to top things off after that, this place only has one power outlet per room. Me and my wife are playing tug-of-war, asking each other “whose phone has less power?”. Starting me off in a bad direction for the day. I have no channels to watch  sports, only local access ship channels that give perpetual safety debriefing. There is nothing to do on this boat, compared to some of the more prestige ship boats out there. I don’t gamble, drink, or eat stale buffet food all day, so I feel awkward just being on the boat. I had to order the best wifi plan to have some sanity. I hope things get  better tomorrow. So far, the whole thing feels like a let down. I can’t tell my wife that, because she felt like she put a lot of effort into making this “getaway” happen. Will keep you guys posted.

Let’s Pretend You’re Black: Ty’Qwonne Blacksten (Part 10)

An eyewitness took iPhone camera footage of a red van fleeing the scene. Mezza Murda Mobstas are plotting revenge on all sets and crews to avenge the death of P-Nutt’s little brother.

Warning: The following dialogue contains foul and inappropriate language that may be offensive to some readers.

Word on the street is spreading like a wild fire. The Hyde Park Hustla Crips are under pressure from the Mezza Mob. An eyewitness took iPhone camera footage of a red van fleeing the scene. Mezza Murda Mobstas are plotting revenge on all sets and crews to avenge the death of P-Nutt’s little brother. P-Nutt deduced that it had to be the Ballstone Boys. The red van, combined with the recent YouTube success of the viral video has caused malice between 45 Ballstones and Mezza’s. P-Nutt addresses the gang about the warfare that will emanate in the next couple of days.

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P-Nutt:”If yous a scary ass nigga, go to church! Be down, or lay the fuck down. We about to turn-up. Them Ballstones killed my lil ones, for that, everyone can get it. Mama’s, aunties, uncles, er’body. Whatever happens, happens!”

Big Rollie: “Hell yeah, load them ratchets up, I was built for this shit, Niggas know my M.O.”

P-Nutt: “Numba one, we comin for Skooby. Number two, we coming for T.Q.. I want these niggaz to feel this shit. Tanisha!(beckoning his female companion) Figure out whats oh boy full name and where he stay at. It’s goin down.”

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Meanwhile at the hospital, you awaken from a six hour long surgery. Recovery time will be about 2 months, however, the doctor could release you as early as 2 weeks if you heal properly.

Skooby: “whattup cuzzo!! you good!”

You: “Yeah, wassup Skoob. I’m tryna still figure out what happened”

Skooby: “Don’t worry bout it, it’s already taken care of. They tried to play you, posted the video of you getting mopped. I wasn’t having it.”

You: “Wow, a video online? Wait…I’m viral now, this shit is embarrassing. What did you do?”

Skooby: “We murked 3 messy mouth fuck-boys. It had to be done, they were taking the Ball Stones soft. We couldn’t let it slide.”

You: “What the hell? Aw, man. You already know they gonna retaliate back 3 times harder. They are gonna know you were behind it.”

Skooby: “negative. we spray painted the Hyde Park Hustla Crips as the ones behind it. Blue spray paint and all.”

You: “Why in the fuck would you do that, now you got two hoods coming after Ballstone. They might be headed to the hospital right now! I gotta get out of here, they not killing me in this hospital!”

Skooby: “Don’t trip T.Q., I got troops outside, we ready for whatever they wanna do. Ain’t nothing gonna happen to you. They got guns, we got guns too! Fuck it.”

You: “man, I shoulda stayed home, this never woulda happened”

Skooby: “Heal up soon T.Q. Don’t worry about no Messy Mouth fuck-boys. You’re protected. Peace out.”

 

Meanwhile, the Mezza Mob have hired some attractive young girls to walk down Ballstone Avenue. Their job is to act oblivious to any gang knowledge. If they are to be interrogated by any Ballstone boys, they are to say they are from Maize Terrace. Maize Terrace is a upper middle class suburb where a lot of  minorities reside. There are 3 girls who are in the pact. Keyonna, a light skinned African-American woman who resembles a young Beyonce Knowles. Tracee, a dark skinned woman who resembles a young Kenya Moore, and Yasira, a mixed woman of African-American and El Salvadorean descent. They stroll down Ballstone Avenue, wearing the most tight, low cut and revealing clothes that would allure the most pious man.

Trick100 (45 Ballstone member) : “Yo, ladies…What it do. Hey Sexy!! (catcalling the trio)

Keyonna: “Wassup” (smiling in a flirtatious manner)

Trick100: “Whats ya’ll name, where ya’ll from. My name Trick, What ya’ll doing later on?”

Keyonna adroitly beguiles them with a fictional story about celebrating a 23 year old birthday party at the local Chili’s restaurant. She invites the Ballstone Boyz to come party with them. Trick-100 acquiesces and agrees to meet up at this party.

At the hospital, your Uncle Rocco arrives at the hospital after work. You brief him on the situation.

You: “Uncle Rocco, I got to get the hell out of this hospital. The Mezza Mob are coming to finish me off!”

Rocco:”What you talking about boy?”

You: “Skooby did some bad things that will certainly involve retaliation, that is all I can say Unc.”

Rocco: “You ain’t even fully healed yet.”

You: “I really need to get out of Troose, Unc. It is about to get really ugly.”

Rocco sighs in exasperation.

 

Part 11 coming soon…….

If you’ve enjoyed this short story and you wish to hear some more. Like, comment, and follow me.

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Let’s Pretend You’re Black: Ty’Qwonne Blacksten (Part 9)

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Warning: The following dialogue contains foul and inappropriate language that may be offensive to some readers.

 

Meanwhile on the Mezza’s territory, three guys are posted in front of a local liquor store having a simple conversation:

M-FACE: “That new Weezy No Ceilings 2 goes hard bruh”

G-Nutt:”That shit is pure garbage, I’m bumpin’ that new Lil’ Bibby Mixtape. That young bull is a beast!”

Lil’ Jake: “On another note, Quiana was giving me dome last night, nigga!”

Homeless man walks up to young guys..

Homeless man:”Excuse me, young brothas, do you have some change?”

G-Nutt: “Fuck off, bum! naw I aint got no spare change!”(laughing)

Homeless man: (pulls out a 20 dollar bill)

Homeless man: “I need some product bruh”

G-Nutt:”We aint never seen u before, u prolly a pig”

Homeless man: “Nevermind, I will call P-Nutt, he is ya’ll OG”

G-Nutt:”P-Nutt my brother, nigga watch yo mouth!”

Homeless man: “You got that work, or nah!”

Lil Jake:”Fuck this, gimme that 20, follow me.” (Goes to dark side of liquor store)

Homeless man: “Thanks, man. I needed this”

Lil Jake: “Whatever,get the fuck off my block!”

Homeless man pretends to walk away behind the liquor store. When Jake walks back to the front, homeless man brandishes shotgun from behind Jake and fires at the back of his head. Jake dies on impact. He was only 16 years old.

Homeless man runs to the other side of the liquor store where some 45st Ballstone Boyz are waiting with Mack-10 automatic machine guns. The homeless man was actually, Fat Troy, a local Ballstone Boy gang member.

Startled and frantic, the two Mezza St gangsters try to evade the quagmire of danger, but were cut off by a used Toyota Mini-van. The passenger door slid open and Skooby hopped outside of the van with a mask on holding two .45 Desert Eagles. Skooby unmercifully annihilated the two young men, standing over them both and executing them with head shots to complete the job. Fat Troy shot the liquor store camera, and harassed the store owner for the footage. Ultimately, resolving the issue by destructing the surveillance equipment.

 

As if the murders weren’t enough, Skooby grabbed a blue spray paint can and sprayed “FuCC Messy Mouth!…MMK”(Mezza Mob Killa) on the liquor store advertisements, located near the front of the store. By using a blue spray paint can and two c’s instead of a ck, the Mezza’s would be confused as to who was behind it. The Mezza’s may surmise it was the Hyde Park Hustlaz. The Ballstone Boyz hopped back in their mini-van and drove off.

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Officer Brock gets a call on his beat, about a homicide that was committed. When he arrives, he sees the dead bodies and calls the coroner.

Officer Brock: “We have a possible 187 at location, please send coroner.”

Officer Leslie (Partner): “According to the store owner, the men had committed obstruction of justice by damaging the surveillance equipment. Their may be possible footage at the security camera company’s cloud system.”

Officer Brock: “I wonder if it was the Hyde Park crips, but a witness said they seen a  red mini-van drive off. This is a mess. This is the start of an all-out war between all of the gangs. It’s gonna be a lot of blood shed in Troose.”

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In the mini-van the boys drive to a dark alley in a city 30 miles east and set the van on fire with the evidence, while jumping into two separate vehicles awaiting them. They talk on walkie-talkie’s about the situation, bragging about the carnage they committed.

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At the hospital, you finally awaken to see your mom and uncle praying with the Bishop.

 

You:”What happened, what’s going on, why am I here?”

Mom:”Baby, every things gonna be okay. Thank you, Jesus!”(crying)

Uncle Rocco:”you had an incident that went bad, and now you are in the hospital. other than some injuries, you will be fine. You have to get out of Troose. When you get better, you will stay with me. There is no way you can go back. Me and your mother agreed it will be best for you.”

You:”And what about you mom? and where Nana gonna go?”

Mom:”We will be fine, we will visit you on the weekends, until the situation gets better. When I save up enough, we will move to Maize Terrace. We can afford a one-bedroom, but we will be able to make it.”

 

How Healthy Are You?

Doctor Schecter:(enters room, flashes light in eyes to check your pupil dilation)

Dr. Schecter:”Okay, Ty’Qwonne, you will be going to surgery tomorrow. You will need as much sleep as possible. Every thing is looking positive. All of your vitals are normal and healthy. It will be a four hour operation, and you should be fine. I’m going to have the nurse bring you some food, so we can monitor your appetite. From one to ten, where is your pain level?”

you:”12″

Dr. Schecter:”I am gonna send some more pain medication, but we have to be careful, we don’t want to damage your liver. The surgery we are performing will be very delicate. You will experience less pain than you are now, but it won’t be completely gone.”(walks out of room)

You:”Where is my phone? Did you tell Skooby?”

Uncle Rocco:”About Skooby, he is up to no good. Don’t worry about your phone, yes he visited, but he is troubled right now. He is not handling the situation well. If I were you, I would stay as far as I can from him. He had that look in his eye.”

Part 10 coming soon…….

If you’ve enjoyed this short story and you wish to hear some more. Like, comment, and follow me.

Follow me on my twitter and periscope:@eddiestarblog

 

 

Let’s Pretend You’re Black: Ty’Qwonne Blacksten (Part 8)

hospital

You are currently unconscious at St. Augustine’s Medical Center of Troose. The doctors have placed you in a medically induced coma from all of the head trauma you’ve sustained. You have a broken jaw, broken nose, cracked eye socket and ruptured spleen. Your mother has just arrived at the hospital to receive the news.  She proceeds to have a conversation with  your grandmother and uncle.

Warning: Strong use of inappropriate and foul language in the following dialogue.

 

Mom:”It was all my fault, I should’ve known better than to let him go over that way.”(sobbing uncontrollably)

Grandma: (inconsolable)

Uncle Rocco: “Tammy (your mom), Don’t blame yourself sis, It’s okay. I felt like it was more of my fault, than anybody else. I was just with him last weekend. He is gonna be fine Tammy. Trust in Jesus, Sis.”

Granny: “Yes, Rocco, I serve a powerful God, in Jesus name! please watch over my grand baby”(sobbing)

Mom: “I just can’t believe I let this happen.”

Uncle Rocco: “Listen, Im gonna call Bishop Henry Dixen, to come down and say a prayer for y’all. I promise you T.Q, is in God’s hands and he will be fine.

—-

Skooby walks in visibly perturbed by the recent news. He storms in the hospital greeting everyone and asking for the room number of Ty’Qwonne. Rocco looks at Skooby scornfully as he walks away.

 

Uncle Rocco: “Yo, Skooby, lemme holla at you real quick”

Skooby waves Uncle Rocco off in a flippant manner. Disregards Rocco entirely and walks toward the room.

 

Scooby walks in the room and sees you bandaged up and hooked up to the machines. Tears begin to weld up in his eyes, as he realizes that you are in bad shape.

 

Skooby: “Fuck…..who in the hell did this to you!..Why the hell you ain’t text me to let me know where you was at?”

Skooby: (tears dropping from his face)

Skooby: “You my lil cuzzin, I am always gonna look out for you. No matter what. You can’t pass away on me, TQ.”

Skooby: (phone vibrates and rings)

Skooby: “Wattup nigga, I’m at the hospital, I gotta hit you back. Somebody got T.Q.! On the dead homies, I need to know who did this.”

Voice on the other end of the phone tells Skooby that the Mezza’s had youtubed the whole incident and placed it online. The Mezza’s have a YouTube channel that shows all of their parties and intimidation tactics.

Skooby: “Say what!!, On Stone Gang Blood?!, tweet me the link my nigga! It’s on. Somebody gotta feel it tonight. On Bloods!!”

 

Storms out of hospital and bumps into Uncle Rocco. Rocco grabs Skooby.

Skooby: “Get cho fuckin hands off me, whats wrong wit you!”

Rocco: “Listen,  Daniel (Skooby’s real name),  I already know what you are thinking, you wanna retaliate. But think before you act.”

Skooby: “Nah, fuck all that! I’ma gangsta, Ain’t no peace talks going on here. You saw what they did to my lil cousin.”

Rocco: “Listen, Daniel, Nothing good is gonna come out of this. You already know. Think about what your gonna do. It’s a constant cycle of violence that will never be resolved. When will it stop. You are killing your own people.”

Skooby:”My people?, them niggas ain’t never gon’ be my people’s. This shit is deeper than skin color. People done lost fathers and kids behind this gang banging shit. I done lost homeboys to the penitentiary and cemetery behind this shit. My dead homies ain’t never coming back. This is all I know. This is my set. That is my race, fuck all that other shit. Save that peace talk for Farrakhan, Im active.”

Skooby storms out of hospital.

Rocco: “If you wanna ruin your life go ahead!!”(screaming aloud at Skooby)

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At the 45 Ballstone hood house, the gang members are awaiting the retaliation plan.

Big Trick- (gang leader): Okay, Stonez, Even though TQ ain’t from da hood, something gotta be done. They tryin to make the hood look soft. So, load the ratchets (guns) up and listen to the lil homie Skooby.

Scooby: “Okay, this is what we gon’ do. I want FatTroy to park over here…..”(showing google map location)

 

Part 9 coming soon.