The MIL update

I am not gonna care how these words come out. I am one for privacy, but sometimes you need someone or something to vent at. The MIL situation is still ongoing and it is not getting any better. It has been 7 months since the MIL has moved in and I believe she has no intention of ever leaving. It has gotten to the point where I have told my wife that I will leave and go my own separate way if the situation is not handled within a certain time. This shit STRESSES ME OUT. I feel more comfort at work than what I feel at home. I have become a stranger at my own residence.

 

How did it get to this point?

Lack of progress from MIL, and communication from my MIL and wife. I am an outsider on progress, and often when I approach my wife about the situation, she gets defensive. When I recently talked about this with my wife, I explained that it would be akin to my brother moving in and me not respecting your point of view. Imagine not being able to feel comfortable wearing boy shorts and a shirt with no bra after a long days work. How would you feel? Later on she revealed that the mother has been a major help in cooking, cleaning, etcetera. She is my wife’s personal assistant and my wife loves it. I can’t help my wife the way the MIL can. She says she is reluctant to be the enforcer of my policy because she doesn’t wish to create ill will between her mother and her. She also doesn’t wish to shoulder the load of doing everything by herself.

From the MIL’s point of view, this is an awesome time to be alive. I get to live rent & utility free in a nice city. I’m having an awesome relationship with my grandchild and daughter, while helping my child with her motherly duties. I clean up the house and web surf all day. I am being such a great help for them. If I am making his wife happy, shouldn’t he be happy for his wife.

My POV, is that it is of no benefit to me when I pay the bulk of the rent and work ridiculous amounts of hours, only to come back home where there is no communication of the promised progress that was supposed to be made by MIL. There is no benefit of me not being able to have the same amount of privacy that I once had before. Intimacy has to be muted and I feel like a child in my own house. When you feel like a mute button has been placed over your mouth, and people don’t absorb your words. You become upset.

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13 thoughts on “The MIL update

  1. I really don’t know what to say except that I am sorry you’re having this to deal with and if you leaving would make you happier than by all means do so. It’s a heck of a situation for you. Very unfair and I hope you and your wife can come to an agreement on this.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Sorry I’m just now seeing this. You aren’t selfish, you’re human. No one wants to accept that they might need an intervention in their life or marriage. Trust me, my husband and I were just like that..we still are but we are going to counseling. It will be okay, just hang in there.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Eddie, it’s not about being better than marriage counseling (in my opinion). It’s about seeking the help you need if you value you and your wife’s relationship. From the beginning it sounds as if there were no boundaries. And if your wife isn’t listening to you, then maybe a third party is a good idea. Wishing you success in the situation my friend 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Man, this sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I know you were anticipating trouble when your MIL first moved in, and I’m sorry it hasn’t gotten any better. You didn’t ask for any advice, but if you had, I’d echo the other people’s comments: it might be good to bring in a third party whom you and your can talk to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Advice is always welcome. I’m thankful for you guys to take the time out of your day to read my post and offer your thoughts. To be honest, everyone has their own set of personal problems. What makes mine any more important than anyone else’s?.. Lol. But as you were saying, I think that sometimes you need a third party who is uninvolved that specializes in marriage counseling to keep it 100. Thanks Josh.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Ooooohhhh … sticky situation! I feel for you. I dearly loved my MIL, but to have her live with us? No …. nonononono … it just would not have worked! Hope it gets resolved soon!

    Like

  5. Damn…that really sucks. We had a feeling that this would be the situation – and it has come true. It sounds like your wife and the MIL have a co-dependent relationship! If you tell your MIL to leave, rightfully, you will be the bad guy.

    She got her foot in the door and her arse on the couch – now she’s basically a glorified squatter! I hope the situation gets resolved soon…but I think that it will get a lot worse before it gets better.

    You certainly have grounds to separate from your wife – not necessarily divorce (yet), but she needs a major wake-up call – and you need your own space to de-stress in.

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