Do you ever sometimes feel as if you are talking to a brick wall?…I know that I do. This is a post where I incessantly vent about random nothings in my life. Many times when I am isolated and imprisoned with thoughts, I just ponder on why it feels like no one can truly understand me.
I always feel like my way is best. I have a naive 20 something year old cousin who I completely feel is wasting his potential, following a “dream” that I am explaining to him won’t happen. Kevin, my 20 something year old cousin, is down on his luck. He is currently staying with my mom, and being tossed around like a water bottle, from one spot to another. His Mom, which is my Aunt, Auntie Pat, has no leg to stand on of her own. She is not a responsible person, and refuses to get her stuff together. She doesn’t have a job and couch-surf’s her way through life. My mom is under the false assumption that Aunt Pat will miraculously get her stuff together and take her son in. I find it very hard to believe and I explain to my mom that Aunt Pat is irresponsible; I wouldn’t bet my life on it. When Kevin recently arrived at my mom’s house from another state, he confessed that he was in a quagmire. He is a foolish pothead who can’t get his shit together because his dirty piss is preventing him from getting a job. Every opportunity he had presented to him was squandered because of his Mary Jane addiction. I told him “You think that I don’t wanna smoke a fuckin blunt!! I wish I could, but I have something called responsibility.”
I mean you must be fucking kidding me, man! I get so irate when I see these young black kids fall into this bullshit fantasy of smoking weed and living a stress-free life. It just doesn’t work that way. Hip-Hop is not the worst thing on Earth, however, sometimes I feel like it possibly may be. For the average person with common sense, they listen to music for entertainment purposes only. You may listen to a record from Lil Wayne and say, “wow, this guy is one talented ignorant son of a gun!”. The average kid from the inner-city listens to this same track on the mixtape, and really believes every word that comes out of his mouth. Hip-Hop becomes a possible escape route for a troubled teenage child, because he feels his opportunities are limited. Where are the role models for the young black man? The young Black man is confused by what success truly means. For a person that is not a minority, they have a discernible understanding of what pathways lay before them. Ex. ‘My mom is a Paralegal, and my dad is an Optometrist with his own private practice.’ or ‘Uncle Bill owns his own Architecture company, and his wife is an agent for a modeling agency’. A child that is raised in this type of environment is open to various avenues of “Success”. The inner-city urban child only lives in a world of good guys and bad guys. His or her escape of making it out of the hood, is being an Athlete, entertainer, or Video Vixen model who earns a VH1 reality show spinoff. I refuse to let my daughter watch that garbage (reality TV) because she will eventually observe the antics as truth.
Kevin, is an example of how lost a man could be without proper guidance. His father gave up on him. I have been in Kevin’s corner ever since he got here: helping him with his resume, driving him to different local malls and pushing him to fill out applications, explaining to him about how Los Angeles is about who you know, not what you know. He refuses to listen. It isn’t like he is disrespectful in any sorts, however, I judge a man upon his actions, and besides getting a part-time job as a dishwasher, he just doesn’t want much out of life. I cannot force this man to see color, if he chooses to live a color-blind life. I can take a horse to the lake, but can’t force him to drink. I feel like it is a conundrum, because I sincerely care about people and want to see them do better for themselves. Especially people whom I feel may be capable of achieving more. It is just an impossible task when a person does not want to see reality for what it truly is.
Kevin is not a smart kid. He is the type who refuses to make eye-contact with anything except for his iPhone, and can’t read a book to save his life. I have told him that he needs to read more books to build a strong understanding about life. I tell him that he needs to get his stuff together and move out of my mom’s house, but my Mom tells me to butt out, she insists that she has everything under control. Kevin wants to go to the local Junior College and enroll in a film class, so he can learn about film. He believes that you can knock on Hollywood’s door and earn a spot, with the power of suggestion. After being laughed at and kicked out of all of the local movie studios by vigilant security guards, he calls me and tells me exactly what I already told him was going to happen. I ask him “How many low budget film festivals have you attended while being in Los Angeles?..Do you have any head shots? What about IMDB? Do you even have a profile? Did you know that most people who start off in the film industry had to start off as a Production Assistant (a.k.a. flunky) who fetches every bone the c-list celebrity beckons for?” He was dumbfounded. I told him that I just look like this. To make matters even worse, Kevin is a long distance father who doesn’t realize he is putting Weed before his own daughter. To be honest, I gave up on Kevin also. The whole situation feels like a waste of energy.
Thanks WordPress for being a shoulder that I can cry on. I have more brick wall rants on the way.