Depression and Anxiety struggles no one understands

Inexplicable mood swings

One of the problems that people with depression deal with is random mood swings. One morning, you may wake up and feel like are going to deal with a challenging day but can deal with it. Other days you will wake up and feel like the apocalypse is beckoning you to come outside. It will be a struggle to deal with the most trivial matters, and no one will understand why you seem “out of it”. It will be days when you are loquacious and clear minded, and other days when you will be completely anti-social and introverted.

Triggers and cues

You are sitting down watching the nightly news, and hear the death announcement of a childhood TV personality you idolized. You recognize that the celebrity is close in age to your parents and you start to immerse your thoughts into mortality and death. The death of your parents starts haunting you, because you are in constant fear of them passing away. The TV news program was a trigger to ignite your anxiety disorder and place you into fear. Adults are extensions of our younger selves. So, the phobias we never get over become stuck inside our mind. It is the reason why that JaRule and Ashanti track that happened to come on your Pandora stream made you think of the high school sweetheart that broke your heart. Or the smell of that clearance bottle of J-Lo perfume at Burlington Coat Factory, takes you back to a bad date you had in 2006. A person with anxiety will become sensitized,  to any fear causing trigger that most people wouldn’t recognize.

Overeating or Lack of appetite

Depression can drag your stomach size way down, or make your waistline explode. Most people don’t think of food as a drug. It is a running punchline for people who are overweight that they are eating their emotions, but it is true. Fat, salt, sugar are three of the most emotional sensations of pleasure to the human mind.  Sugar is akin to cocaine, setting off the same receptors of dopamine in the brain. Food companies know it, so they add sugar and corn syrup to boost sales. A person may not have the money to buy a Lamborghini and a mansion. But he or she will most certainly have enough money to go through a drive-thru to get some fast food. The stresses of life can seem like they disappear when you are eating a pint of ice cream. On the other end of the spectrum, life can be so down and out that you find no enjoyment in anything. Eating is not something you feel that you have to do to live. If you eat something for the day, cool. If not, no problem. You can barely remember the last time you ate something, because life is just…whatever. When food is offered, you respectfully decline and move on with your day.

Suppressed Emotions

You want to reach out and get help. You want to talk to a professional or good friend to purge your emotions. The issue is that EVERYONE has problems. Your problems are no better than his or hers in the bystander’s mind. “Someone out there has it way worst than you and me, my friend!!” one acquaintance may surmise. “Why don’t you just snap out of it?” another friend may say. In their mind, you are a person who can overcome these thoughts with some Tony Robbins affirmations. If you are a man, you are supposed to be this log-chopping, car mechanic, motorcycle riding, stereotypical brute who can tough any issue out like a REAL man. What usually follows is some nostalgic story of the obnoxious friend or acquaintance’s father or grandfather, who were “REAL MEN”. They dealt with REAL issues like the depression and post-war. Not this pansy “new-age” Millenial bullshit. If you are a woman, the acquaintance may take the news like its a competition of “who has it worse?” She probably will commence to talk about her divorced friend who has 3 children and is successful now, and she had it way worse than you. You should be anything but depressed because you have NO REASON TO BE. So there you are, privately offended at the impudence of the friend or relative you decided to share it with. Stuck with the recommendation of a Tony Robbins, or Joel Osteen book, you sit there and wallow in self pity. “No one cares to hear about my problems”, you conclude.

The voice in your head

This voice is the worst son of a gun that you wish never existed. He has been with you ever since the bullies teased you in grade school. He was the asshole that prevented you from talking to girls and making friends. He talks very loud and disrespectful when you stand in front of a mirror, slandering your reason to exist, and pointing at every flaw not edible for American culture. He or she is the reason you will never start a business and be successful, because you are the worst example of a breathing creature. Most people can hear the voice and ignore it. Other folks hear it and use it to make improvements. The fourth group, is the most irritating of all, they imagine there is no such voice within them and they (allegedly) kick its ass every time it comes near. This is a voice you will most likely never get rid of and will have to accept for most of your life, until you can finally get the help you need.

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36 thoughts on “Depression and Anxiety struggles no one understands

  1. This is an amazing post in so many ways. One would be that I feel exactly the same. Second that I had a discussion about it a few days ago with someone and I was trying to explain this and I couldn’t make them understand. Because they can’t understand unless they’ve been there. Ohhhh I wish all people would be sensitive. I really wish everyone would be more understanding. Thanks for this!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. You are so welcome!!! I am happy too to know that there are other people that I could relate with! ☺️☺️☺️

        Like

  2. Being a sufferer myself i couldnt have explained it better. Might get my close ones to have a read instead of killing myself trying to answer ‘whats wrong? You were fine yesterday/10 minutes ago…’
    Thank you, please keep writing x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very insightful post, seriously, it just sounds so right on the money! At the paragraph with suppressed emotion when you talk about how women deal with hearing about depressed friends and tending to compete with that, I just had a similar experience a few days ago (reaction coming from a guy friend however, but he’s more in touch with his feminine side so to say) and just didn’t know how to deal with it. Long story short, I’ve had some really down days lately and used to hearing the same remarks, the ones you mentioned, I’ve been starting to just retreat completely and not want to talk to anyone about my problems anymore because it doesn’t help anyone. So anyways, I was in retreat phase when this friend of mine felt really chatty. I’d recently tried to explain to him that I’m not feeling that well and I just need time to be alone, not talk, not go out, just…be. And he’s been pressing on getting me out of the house and just looking to continue the chat. And when I repeated that I can’t talk because I’m not well and it’s not helping and I’m not hurting anyone, just let me be, he started writing novels of how he’s just depressed and just feels like shit and just needed a friend because he’s really down. And I was stuck. I mean I didn’t even tell him the details or reasons or whatnot, just that I’m going through some stuff and don’t feel like doing anything and the next second he was trying to make his case seem even more desperate.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The voice which wars with me is either called the Black Dog ( ) or IT. I hate it. It is persistent. It eats away at the moments of clarity and drills me down further in bad times. It’s hard to ignore. Great blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. depression etc is like a sine wave
    “depressed” people as defined by other have high ups and downs

    the others have a lower amplitude sine wave, monotonous and boring

    when the depression experts never smile, boring as hell, tells you something about their expertise on happiness

    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. How I relate to this post! I suffer from chronic depression and there is no empathy around.My doc says I need a support group as I live alone. Not a single friend comes fwd or is there for me, and he talks of a group. I have tried all sorts of things to get better. I am on medication since years, but I do not know when it hits me and takes me by surprise every time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Most people will make you seem like a cry-baby if you tell them your issues. They have no clue how depression feels like dragging a dead body around. You are carrying this dead body every place you go, and no one can see it because it exists inside of your mind. That is what really sucks about depression. Trying to tell a “normal” person your problem, is akin to trying to teach color to person born blind.

      Like

  7. This is the most eloquent and accurate description of anxiety and depression I can recall reading. I wish everyone in the world who has not been in that place would read this and gain some understanding. Thanks for putting it into words. J.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My sister is currently suffering from both anxiety and depression and we just had a conversation on this just last night. I personally have been there in the past so I get it, and was able to sympathize with what she is currently going through. Great post and enlightening for many!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This was a great post! Only people who have been or are currently experiencing depression can truly understand. No matter who you try to talk to outside of your therapist/counselor (who you are paying to listen) everyone has advice to simply get over it or better yet, as told to me today, “you have too much free time on your hands, do something productive instead of wallow in self-pity”. Seriously, do people think its that easy? I did enjoy reading your post though because when you see or read about others with the same experience you don’t feel quite so alone!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The gall of some people is incredible. Depression is unfortunately always equated with sadness. Sadness is something entirely different to me. Depression is when you are half-dead but still dragging yourself through life to the point of questioning why. Sadness is temporary and usually triggered by something. Depression hits when life is going great. It doesn’t necessarily need a reason. Thanks for contributing to my post.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Very good message. It is unfortunate how many of us have dealt with or are still dealing with depression. You are right until one acknowledges their depression it can not truly be dealt with. after this then healing can begin.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am one who has fought depression and all that comes with it for many years. It has only been the last few years that I finally found the right direction and counseling that has helped me deal with it in a positive and healing way. Too many times people who are depressed tend to beat themselves up for being depressed. They feel guilt and shame so it is ignored, denied, or misdiagnosed. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to shine some truth on the problem and help others in the process. You are doing a great job of this.

        Liked by 2 people

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